× Comedy & Humour The tsar of Pordenone My five osterias Hymn to the bevvies My disco (stop the drums!) My head in two tongues Vutu che te la conti o che te la diga? Reviews

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Comedy & Humour

Humour, the ways in which it is put across and perceived, has got to do with the mood and the vibrations; both on the part of the speakers and the recipients. In fact, the whole range of emotional states – the humours - can be partially communicated through the faculty of language, with body language and art in general playing an important role. Personally, expressing humour is one of the best strategies I adopt to defend myself and keep a distance from those whom I don’t respect, can’t connect, or can’t click with. My jokes may be funny, but as others in similar businesses to mine may agree with is this: “Behind all these beautiful laughing sounds there is always a profuse tear lurking.””

My head in two tongues

This comic booklet reflects my sense of humour in relation to my real life experiences. Most of the material I have included has been thought out in the two languages in which it is written by developing from just a few embryonal lines. I built them up, I patiently joined one word to the next as if I had been asked to resolve a jigsaw puzzle. Both the dialogs and the short stories contain many double entendre and puns which I couldn’t be bothered translating in the language in which it was not conceived in, the main reason being that very often it is difficult or it just can’t be done without having to make a compromise. Therefore, the part in English called “The Northern Hemisphere” is not a translation of the part in Venetian called “L’Emisfero Sud”, or vice versa, rather they are two distinct sections of the booklet, but with some themes in common. The humoristic drawings and the graphic illustration are also my creations - I hope you will like them. Many of the jokes are a little cryptic, and some of you may find them a little rough: they are only ruthless, surreal wind ups not suitable for the children, nor for a readership of faint-hearted wimps (Not at all). This type of Venetian I used is a dialect still spoken by some near Pordenone, my birthplace. It seems to me very likely that this language, a variant of Goldoni’s Venetian, might soon be extinct. But it is nowadays still perfectly understood in the rather vast north-east area of Italy known as Triveneto. Those of you who understand Italian, Spanish or Catalan will find that there are many similarities. As for the part in English, a language I love and started to learn in my teens, I employed various colloquialisms which may not be readily understood outside the UK, but are commonly used in everyday speech throughout the country and in London, which is my city of adoption. In both languages, I tried to maintain to how people really speak in these two culturally distinct areas, although the situations I created are often fantastic, unrealistic, and are not always meant to illustrate specific cultural traits of the people. Although this booklet has not been conceived with the purpose to serve as a language course, it might be of interest for those who like foreign languages, or are simply looking to have a laugh with their overseas friends over a pint. The most committed fans of my jokes might find it helpful or funnier to read everything out loud, as if in a role-play laughter therapy session. I had acted out everything too, to encourage and cheer myself up whilst writing.

Not available for download yet. Please check the website soon for updates.

The tsar of Pordenone

This is one of my early comic experiments of the last decade. A surreal parody of a journalist's improvisation, with back stage commentary to follow. Free to listen, about 10 minutes. (In Italian only)

My five osterias

And here are five fine examples of osteria-like northern Italian chants -in English – for the good conviviality in the multicultural restaurants. You can read them and listen to Kursivo interpreting them.

OSTERIA No 1

Should in the pussy be a denture
We recommend you enclose your willy
In a metal tube, you silly
No more need to do a bender
And no more scraping of the member
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 2

A sausage as big as a warhead
Fell in the valley of Georgia’s hills
That wasn’t surely a funny deal
Rumours speak of a blunder
Why not drop it just down under
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 3

Dear uncle Ron has got the runs
Toilet’s broke, he needs a can
In this bathroom there’s no fans
'til you make any donation
The obligation is sanitation
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 4

In the sweat-shop there’s a bimbo
A silly woman, a bloody tease
A temp who’s twatting the employees
She never screws unless they pay her
I recommend you never lay her
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 5

Dedicated to all bunnies
You too must run sister Annie
When they come close to your fanny
In the convent they won’t find you
You must lock the door behind you
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

Hymn to the bevvies

PART 1. So many bevvy deals. Before, after your meals.

So many bevvy deals. Before, after your meals.
Manhattan on the rocks, before some bread and fox.
Some port to cook red meat, or soon after the sweet.
And cider’s also nice, goes well with curry and rice.

PART 2. A bottle of Champagne, you never lose you gain.

A bottle of Champagne, you never lose you gain.
A good jug of sangria, what have you got to fear?
Grappa should I mention, with coffee for digestion.
But absinth I'd prefer, I am a connoisseur.

PART 3. The brandy and the rum, one night with you my chum.

The brandy and the rum, one night with you my chum.
Whiskey 'n coke my friend, until the very end.
Oh mate a splash of gin, how can it be a sin?
Or any red you crave. If plonk you must be brave.

PART 4. The vodka and the bier, one night with you my dear.

The vodka and the bier, one night with you my dear.
Tequila down in one, oh baby so much fun.
A Sauvignon is class, oh darling what a gas.
Cocktail or some wine? Back to yours or mine?

PART 5. Choose your own liqueur, an option for the cure.

Choose your own liqueur, an option for the cure.
However just make sure, when wishing this Grand Tour
Don’t want you to drop dead, you have to be well fed
Too many booze supplies, and there is your demise.

Drink responsibly

My disco (stop the drums!)

As far as this, I can't even approximate a description. Enjoy listening. (In Italian only)

Vutu che te la conti o che te la diga?

If I will be able to sell this recording (The title roughly means “Do you want me to recount it or say it for you?”), I will only have to thank all those who had created the right conditions for me to work on it. Some of my mates said it’s a masterpiece, but that’s only a flattering claim that is filling me with a great deal of self-confidence… The events of my life, my inner emotions, my moods, I didn’t originally mean to share with the rest of the world, because I would have never imagined that anyone would empathise or be able to laugh with me. But you can now download the misdeed here from my site for a modest price. You won't regret it because this will probably always remain my number one piece of work, and some found it so funny that it made them cry, and listened to it innumerable times. It consists of 16 surreal vignettes that expolore the psycology and the moods of some real life events, some hilarious sketches of public life which will make you feel like you are living out yourself while listening.

01 All' ippodromo di Trieste

02 Al parco zoo

03 Il barbiere di Siviglia

04 Perde il pelo ma non lo zelo

05 Un locale sui generis

06 Le studentesse di Treviso

07 Lo scoiattolo

08 Turbo Diesel

09 Giovanin sfama l'affamato

10 Due muli al ristorante

11 Lo zainetto Adidas

12 Il bastone della speranza

13 Sono una ragazza innocente

14 In discoteca

15 Lo scrutatore

16 Il giaguaro

DURATION: 1h 4m 30s


WARNING! This is a comical/musical audio recording, partly in standard Italian but mostly in some Venetian dialect. You would probably have to be reasonably acquainted with the Italian language to be able to appreciate.

Download for £6


VUTU CHE TE LA CONTI O CHE TE LA DIGA? (mp3)

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