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Comedy & Humour

Humour, the ways in which it is put across and perceived, has got to do with the mood and the vibrations; both on the part of the speakers and the recipients. In fact, the whole range of emotional states – the humours - can be partially communicated through the faculty of language, with body language and art in general playing an important role. Personally, expressing humour is one of the best strategies I adopt to defend myself and keep a distance from those whom I don’t respect, can’t connect, or can’t click with. My jokes may be funny, but as others in similar businesses to mine may agree with is this: “Behind all these beautiful laughing sounds there is always a profuse tear lurking.”

It's life and life only

About

This is a collection of pronouncements, statements and other thoughts published in a booklet of assumed wisdom in order to explain a few things about myself to those who want to know me. All this material really reflects my true opinions and visions - for whatever they count - and my general attitudes to life. It is something that I have mostly written little by little in a relatively long period of time, and is the result of many years of more or less painful thinking on my part. The words I have written in bold are supposed to be referential only, and give you an idea about what I am commenting about in each of my thoughts – which – as you will soon realise, don’t follow any alphabetical order but are sort of intentionally but roughly arranged for the sole purpose of entertaining. The comments have often been assigned parenthesis () , and are included in them. I have also used parenthesis () to include the authors’ names and other information such as their country and year of birth. I have used brackets [] to include quotations or short explanatory stories. In this booklet, I have also decided to spell the word “god” with a small g, and not with a capital G. This might solely be due to the fact that I am a humanist and a relativist, and not so much of a church-going absolutist. Also, I wouldn’t want to discriminate my readers if their god were the Sun… So I hope no one takes offence here. The original idea was to offer an hour - or even less time for those who read fast - of a quality and stimulating perusing experience on public transport, or something like that. “It’s life and life only”, the title of this collection, alludes to the concluding line of a well-known song by Bob Dylan called “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)”. I am not yet so sure of what this means, but what I do know is that it is not always so honourable to take ourselves too seriously. I hope that this, as well as being the first edition, will be the last too, because by the time I will have changed my mind on any of these topics – or improved it (the mind, that is) – I would probably need to write something altogether different, which is something I am not sure I am looking forward to do. I have tried to be succinct, to the point, and humorous when I considered appropriate.

Pages: 84
Language: English
Dimensions: 127 X 203 mm
ISBN: 9781739698102

Download Ebook (edition 2022) here for only £ 1

IT'S LIFE AND LIFE ONLY £ 1 (pdf format)

PAPERBACK £ 5

KINDLE EDITION £ 1.99

My head in two tongues

This comic booklet reflects my sense of humour in relation to my real life experiences. Most of the material I have included has been thought out in the two languages in which it is written by developing from just a few embryonal lines. I built them up, I patiently joined one word to the next as if I had been asked to resolve a jigsaw puzzle. Both the dialogs and the short stories contain many double entendre and puns which I couldn’t be bothered translating in the language in which it was not conceived in, the main reason being that very often it is difficult or it just can’t be done without having to make a compromise. Therefore, the part in English called “The Northern Hemisphere” is not a translation of the part in Venetian called “L’Emisfero Sud”, or vice versa, rather they are two distinct sections of the booklet, but with some themes in common. The humoristic drawings and the graphic illustration are also my creations - I hope you will like them. Many of the jokes are a little cryptic, and some of you may find them a little rough: they are only ruthless, surreal wind ups not suitable for the children, nor for a readership of faint-hearted wimps (Not at all). This type of Venetian I used is a dialect still spoken by some near Pordenone, my birthplace. It seems to me very likely that this language, a variant of Goldoni’s Venetian, might soon be extinct. But it is nowadays still perfectly understood in the rather vast north-east area of Italy known as Triveneto. Those of you who understand Italian, Spanish or Catalan will find that there are many similarities. As for the part in English, a language I love and started to learn in my teens, I employed various colloquialisms which may not be readily understood outside the UK, but are commonly used in everyday speech throughout the country and in London, which is my city of adoption. In both languages, I tried to maintain to how people really speak in these two culturally distinct areas, although the situations I created are often fantastic, unrealistic, and are not always meant to illustrate specific cultural traits of the people. Although this booklet has not been conceived with the purpose to serve as a language course, it might be of interest for those who like foreign languages, or are simply looking to have a laugh with their overseas friends over a pint. The most committed fans of my jokes might find it helpful or funnier to read everything out loud, as if in a role-play laughter therapy session. I had acted out everything too, to encourage and cheer myself up whilst writing.

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Vutu che te la conti o che te la diga?

If I will be able to sell this work (The title roughly means “Do you want me to recount it or say it for you?”), I will only have to thank all those who had created the right conditions for me to work on it. Some of my mates said it’s a masterpiece, but that’s only a flattering claim that is filling me with a great deal of self-confidence… The events of my life, my inner emotions, my moods, I didn’t originally mean to share with the rest of the world, because I would have never imagined that anyone could empathise or be able to laugh with me. I hope that you will soon be able to download the misdeed here from my site for a modest price. You won't regret it because this will probably always remain my number one piece of work, and some found it so funny that it made them cry, and listened to it innumerable times. It consists of 16 surreal vignettes that expolore the psycology and the moods of some real life events, some hilarious sketches of public life which will make you feel like you are living out yourself while listening.

My five osterias

And here are five fine examples of osteria-like northern Italian chants -in English – for the good conviviality in the multicultural restaurants.

OSTERIA No 1

Should in the pussy be a denture
We recommend you enclose your willy
In a metal tube, you silly
No more need to do a bender
And no more scraping of the member
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 2

A sausage as big as a warhead
Fell in the valley of Georgia’s hills
That wasn’t surely a funny deal
Rumours speak of a blunder
Why not drop it just down under
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 3

Dear uncle Ron has got the runs
Toilet’s broke, he needs a can
In this bathroom there’s no fans
'til you make any donation
The obligation is sanitation
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 4

In the sweat-shop there’s a bimbo
A silly woman, a bloody tease
A temp who’s twatting the employees
She never screws unless they pay her
I recommend you never lay her
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

OSTERIA No 5

Dedicated to all bunnies
You too must run sister Annie
When they come close to your fanny
In the convent they won’t find you
You must lock the door behind you
Tirah-tee-tee-tin-terah-tirah-tee-tee-tin-tah

(Free to listen on the Player page)

Hymn to the bevvies

PART 1.

So many bevvy deals. Before'n after your meals.
Manhattan on the rocks, before some bread and fox.
Some port to cook red meat, or soon after the sweet.
And cider’s also nice, goes well with curry and rice.

PART 2.

A bottle of Champagne, you never lose you gain.
A good jug of sangria, what have you got to fear?
Grappa should I mention, with coffee for digestion.
But absinth I'd prefer, I am a connoisseur.

PART 3.

The brandy and the rum, one night with you my chum.
Whiskey 'n coke my friend, until the very end.
Oh mate a splash of gin, how can it be a sin?
Or any red you crave. If plonk you must be brave.

PART 4.

The vodka and the bier, one night with you my dear.
Tequila down in one, oh baby so much fun.
A Sauvignon is class, oh darling what a gas.
Cocktail or some wine? Back to yours or mine?

PART 5.

Choose your own liqueur, this is the best cure.
However just make sure, when wishing this Grand Tour
Don’t want you to drop dead, you have to be well fed
Too many booze supplies, and there is your demise.

Drink responsibly